I was recently struck with an illness that left me in unrelenting and excruciating pain for a period of days. I’d never experienced anything like it. Among the worst symptoms was nine and ten level pain that shot through my ear like a knife.
Through this experience, God has given me tireless moments of grace that have equipped me and have demonstrated how tenderly and completely He loves me. Allow me to share them with you!
“Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul.” ~Psalm 66:16
JESUS MAKES THE DARKNESS TREMBLE
He reminded me that SONGS ARE WEAPONS!
One night when relentless pain came crashing in, the song “Tremble” by Mosaic MSC came to my mind. About 10 seconds later, my husband said, “Honey, do you want to listen to praise music?”
So we listened. “Still. Call the sea to still. The rage in me to still. Every wave at your name.”
Every wave. Every symptom, every pain, every potential lingering effect.
As the truth in those lyrics sank into my heart, a quietness, an assuredness, entered the room. My fears faded and the pain subsided for a time.
I was reminded that JESUS REALLY DOES MAKE THE DARKNESS TREMBLE - that truth transcends any sickness or circumstance we may endure even as we’re enduring it. That’s why we can anchor ourselves in it in dark and uncertain times.
I have carried these words with me throughout this experience and have found comfort and promise that only Jesus can give.
A DECLARATION THAT DEFIES CIRCUMSTANCE
As a songwriter and worship leader, you can imagine that my hearing is important to me. So when this illness caused diminished hearing in my right ear, God brought yet another song to my heart, another weapon to wield… I’d recently written a song with my dear friend Haylie Allcott, called, “Forever And Ever,” taken from Psalm 145.
“I will exalt You, O God, my King. And I will bless Your name forever and ever.”
I sang it over and over, a declaration that no matter what circumstance I face, I will exalt my God forever and ever! In this earthly life and for all of eternity through Christ my Savior.
I need not fear.
HE WATCHES OVER US
During the most intense times of pain, my husband would simply sit beside me and watch me. Silently. Intently. Ready to meet any need I had at any moment.
During one of these times, I looked at him and was impressed that this is exactly what God is doing for me all the time.
We know this, right? We know God is always watching over us and caring for us. But in that moment of grace, God gave me a visual I could liken it to. It made the truth of God’s watchfulness tangible to me.
You see, from that moment on, I was able to lay down, close my eyes and picture God watching over me intently. With undivided attention, ready to meet any need I had. It took all the worry away. I could feel my whole body sink peacefully down into rest. I knew He had everything under control. I knew He was watching me.
TIME TO SHIFT MY FOCUS
Then the day came. I woke up with renewed energy, not fully recovered, but better. I started out the day in Scriptures about how He is with me and to not fear.
He stopped me.
You see, I already knew He was with me and I wasn’t afraid. I already knew and saw daily evidence that He was healing me. He instructed me to stop focusing on getting something I already knew I had, and focus on ministry, guided by this Scripture:
“My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples.” ~ John 15:8
It was a mind-set shift. I knew to have wisdom to continue resting so I could continue to heal. But I also knew to move on from it, trust Him, and focus on serving Him.
TIRELESS MOMENTS OF GRACE
I am grateful. Grateful for the moments of grace that He has shown me, that I carry with me and anchor my faith in. Thankful that this illness wasn’t worse than it was. Thankful for good doctors and medicine. For a comfortable home to recover in. That I have a husband who has cared for my needs inexhaustibly. That I have faithful friends who have demonstrated the power of prayer.
That I serve a God who loves me tenderly and completely.
To God be the glory, Forever and ever!